DREAD

I am feeling so wary, so anxious, so worried, so strung up and so tired just thinking and feeling this jumble of emotions. I am in Medicine Posting, THE core posting where we have to learn everything under the sky, everything that is not under surgery, OBGYN and paeds is under Medicine. I realise the vast amount of knowledge that I have to make sure I learn and master within these 6 weeks and that is why I am worried and tired just thinking of it. Although I am already in my final year, that doesn't make it easier. In fact, I am still feeling lost, despite doing this for the past 4 years. I don't know where to start, how to start. I am thinking of making a timetable so that I will balance my time well between all specialties to optimize my learning, but then again, I am not a timetable person. I hate timetables.

Ironically for someone who hates timetables, I am know spending an awful lot of time scrutinizing the posting schedule that I believe I might develop a squint. Yes, I am the leader of this posting and that is why I am all strung up and wary. I am willing to put in my best so that I will be a good leader for my group but I am worried that I will fail.

Usually, after unloading my thoughts here, I would feel much better. But this time, I don't. I don't know why but all I feel is a sense of DREAD. And it's not even Professional Exams yet.