Monday, May 30, 2011

The sweetest day of my life

I had the sweetest day of my life yesterday.

It began with Rocky Road. As I was strolling at The Rocks, a shopping area with dainty little shops, the walls of which are made of slabs of rocks (hence the name) and stalls along the walkway ala Malaysian pasar pagi, my eyes fell on the queer, totally unattractive- looking packet of candies (just imagine a rocky road). Rocky Road is a type of candy cubes consisting of chocolate, marshmallows, icing and nuts all MASHED into small, handy cubes. When I put it into my mouth, Oooo...! I had never looked back since. I bought 2 more packets at the airport...hee...

Few steps later, the colourful rock candies attracted me. They were so colourful with an array of shapes, patterns and sizes. They even come in lollies!

Dinner with Dr & Mrs See, family acquaintances, was another feast. The desserts... Ooooo.... I shall die with no regrets. Creme brulee with glazed apples, sticky date pudding with strawberries, tiramisu with strawberries, cannoli and another dessert, which I have forgotten the name of. I am not a food person, as in one who savours the food down right to its flavours. I cannot describe in elaborate detail how delicious the particular dish tastes. I just don't have enough food vocabulary. So it is better if I use illustrations.

Sticky rock candies
Rocky Road

Creme brulee
Cannoli
Sticky date pudding


All these in 1 day. Sweet!


Thursday, May 26, 2011

I have it too

I am ashamed of myself today. I had an acute, severe attack of kiasu-ism. The kiasu-ism was so intense that it threatened to engulf me. It nearly prevented me from doing what I was doing. I felt so disappointed thinking that the 'threat' had taken away my chances. I started blaming myself for waking up late and because I overslept, I had also missed out on another opportunity. When I found out that there was actually no 'threat' at all only did the realisation hit me. I have a disease, this disease of kiasu-ism, which I claimed to abhor. I suffer from this as well and it may well been a chronic case all along.


What am I going to do to cure it?!! 

Tuesday, May 24, 2011

This is my ideal day

My ideal day when I begin to work in the future will have to be something like what I went through today. Arrive at hospital at 8am, scrub in for surgery (but of course, I will be the one operating next time...muahahaha....*fantasizing*), end of surgery, grab lunch and coffee, scrub in for another surgery....*tick tock tick tock* end of surgery, 5.30pm, just in time to knock off from work. Wooo...!!!

I had a great day today. That of course have to do with the surgeries. The 2 scrub nurses were 2 of my favourites. Their cheerfulness and warmth make me feel at ease straightaway. Knowing that I may feel out of place, they always go out of their way to talk and explain the procedures to me. Watching them is a joy- to see the spring in every of their step (literally), their singing and tapping to the music even during surgery, their animated replies in conversations, their quick and agile hands during surgery, their chemistry with the surgeons. It's obvious that they are highly skilled and experienced nurses. One thing that makes them stand out among other experienced doctors or nurses in the theater is the joy and pride in which they carry out their duties. It was always a pleasure, literally, to work in the same room as them. I used to have difficulty distinguishing them from each other because of the similar cheerfulness.

I asked many questions today, which makes me happy. I always have questions. If I don't ask them, I get that strong yearning and burning feeling from inside until somehow I would just spit them out. Nobody will believe me if I tell them how difficult it is for me to ask a question. When a question pops up in my head, I will toss that question round and round in my head, dissect that question down to its appropriateness, quality, whether the answer could be easily obtained from the book, the phrasing of the question, the leading question to the answer, which could sometimes lead to another question. I am a complex person, I know. I am weird, I know that too. Believe me, I am trying to change. So you have no idea how contented I feel whenever I get my questions, which have to pass my personal screening process, answered. The answers have to satisfy me as well or that burning feeling or a new feeling of dissatisfaction or confusion will arise. And the cycle will continue.

I am such a boring person that I can barely stand myself sometimes. Like Shit, why do I find this an ideal day?!! An ideal day should involve the word 'beach', 'shopping', 'ice cream' or 'cuddling'. I hope I am still normal, seriously.

Monday, May 23, 2011

Things I like about OZ

The dogs here are so handsome and beautiful and well-trained. They run at the same pace as their masters' jogging pace. Dogs are left outside the grocery store UNTIED. Guard dog leading their blind master. Ooo, people who don't love dogs must be mad.

Trains who arrive on the DOT and sometimes, earlier! Easily comprehensible train maps and computer screens on the platform. You can really plan your trip right down to the minute. The NSW Infoline website is amazing with a Trip Planner and Fare Calculator, where you can even plan the budget of your trip and hence, allows the cheapest or shortest route. The ticket machines which actually work is a far cry from Malaysia's, where 7 out of 10 are damaged. You can top out your weekly or monthly train ticket through the machine and that saves plenty of time. (Probably Malaysia's machines can too...I don't know. )

Australians, who are obsessed with saving the environment. Companies fork out hundreds of thousands to implement an energy-saving system in their buildings. I was in a toilet once and it suddenly went pitch black. I later  found out it's a small teeny part of the energy saving technology in the building. The implementation of the carbon tax is proof enough of how seriously they take energy conservation and environmental protection. There is never only 1 type of garbage bin. There is always another recyclable bin beside a garbage bin, anywhere, everywhere.

The basic amenities provided by the clinical school. Microwave, sandwich maker, free coffee, tea, sugar, hot water, computers with internet access, which actually work and are freely accessible (yes, you don't have to APPLY or REGISTER to use the computers), the monthly subscribed educational and ENTERTAINMENT magazines for the students which will always be lying around on the coffee table for the perusal of everyone. Yes, when you come tomorrow, they will still be on the table!!! (this will never happen in Malaysia...I can almost hear the whispers of  "Eh, free one, nobody take, just take la.." ) Now, I understand the horror and disgust of Dr Wendy when all her psychiatry books on the shelves went missing repeatedly during each posting.

Cleanliness. I don't hesitate so much to put my bags on the ground. I don't need to cover my nose and mouth to block the fumes from vehicles when I cross the road.

Civilized drivers, at least towards pedestrians. I am the KING if I step foot on a pedestrian crossing. All cars will stop for me.

Civilized society. The tattooed man in hoodie, the Asian guy, the burly labourer still in his dirty clothes who looked dead on his feet, obviously, from the night shift, the young man in sleek office wear and his iPad, EVERYONE and ANYONE, will give their seat away within seconds of someone, who is more in need of a seat, sets foot in the train. The ladies hardly have to give their seats away because the male species are already on it.

Gentleman. If any guy is within 3 feet from me, I never have to open the door for myself. My specialist opens the door and let us pass before he did during ward rounds. Over in Malaysia, we'll only get to see the specialist's back and butt and that's considered a privilege already. The average Joe will stop in his tracks to let you pass first. And why am I so impressed? Because 90% of guys I grow up with or know never have such simple, gentlemanly manners.

The secondhand book stores. Ahhh, that alone can be my ONLY reason to move overseas.

People are efficient, they know what they are doing and talking about, they take pride in what they are doing, be it the bus driver or traffic controller, and because of that, they carry out their duties well. And because everyone has this sense of responsibility, the country, as a whole, runs well. And when I think of my country, Malaysia and its leaders, and how much soul-searching they will have to do before they arrive at the stage that Australia is at now, I am engulfed by a deep pang of sadness and anguish. It is somewhat possible for me to spend my lifetime in Malaysia, if I don't read the news.

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

I don't belong

I think I have had enough of OZ. It's time to go home. Yes, Malaysia is home, no matter what, no matter the heat, the vehicle fumes, the garbage, the corrupted leaders and all the Malaysian crap. I like OZ. The laidback life, the efficient public transport, the civilized society, the clean toilets with toilet paper but...but...but... I don't know. There's something missing. I miss the Manglish, the heat, yes, the heat (but not the humidity- it's really a torture whenever I step into the bathroom here. I have to muster a gargantuan amount of courage and strength to take off my clothes, then all is well with the hot water, then comes the stepping out of the shower part..). Most of all, I miss the sense of belonging. I miss feeling like I belong somewhere. I belong in Malaysia. I don't feel out of place. I feel right being where I am and doing what I am doing when I am back home. Over here, in OZ, I always feel out of place and never truly comfortable, even if I am sitting with my legs up on the coach in the common room or sitting in on department meetings and lectures, acting like I belong.

I guess I know now what it means when they say SETTLE DOWN. I am not settled down yet, after almost 4 weeks here. Initially, it was exciting and adventurous, trying to blend in, doing the things they do, acting and even, speaking like them, to some extent.

Oh well, this is all part of an experience, isn't it? So in a way, I should be glad that I am experiencing something, even the sense of NOT belonging. lol... Ah ,well then!

Wednesday, May 4, 2011

I fell in love

I fell in love today. I thought I have always hated it. I guess I didn't understand it. I still don't but I can't bring myself to hate it anymore now that I have laid hands on it- warm and throbbing, smooth and slippery, fitting so snugly in my palm. I fell in love with the heart today.

I never expected to be able to scrub in on surgeries in Sydney. Dr Ross, a doctor that I will always remember from now on as the first doctor who introduced me to the feel of a heart, gave me the still-unthinkable opportunity to hold a contracting heart during a CABG. Yeah, it was not a top-notch, 1-in-a-100 type of surgery. In fact, it is a very common surgery. The thing is I don't recall ever feeling this way when I first touched a stomach, a thyroid, a baby, a lung or a femur. Maybe it is something new to me. Maybe I just like it because I am in a state-of-the-art hospital, being amongst impressive-looking doctors, nurses and staff. Maybe I don't really like it after all. Maybe I will fall out of love with it in 2 months' time.

Sigh...ah shit, I am in love with the heart. I am afraid to be. It is one of the most sought-after specialty and I will definitely be in for an arduous journey to get into the department or just to get a place in the masters programme, not to mention to study and learn it when I get the above-mentioned.Ah heck, nothing is easy right? There is one thing I learned from my brother today. JUST WHACK! Maybe I would do just that...Go heads on and put my heart into hearts.