I fell in love today. I thought I have always hated it. I guess I didn't understand it. I still don't but I can't bring myself to hate it anymore now that I have laid hands on it- warm and throbbing, smooth and slippery, fitting so snugly in my palm. I fell in love with the heart today.
I never expected to be able to scrub in on surgeries in Sydney. Dr Ross, a doctor that I will always remember from now on as the first doctor who introduced me to the feel of a heart, gave me the still-unthinkable opportunity to hold a contracting heart during a CABG. Yeah, it was not a top-notch, 1-in-a-100 type of surgery. In fact, it is a very common surgery. The thing is I don't recall ever feeling this way when I first touched a stomach, a thyroid, a baby, a lung or a femur. Maybe it is something new to me. Maybe I just like it because I am in a state-of-the-art hospital, being amongst impressive-looking doctors, nurses and staff. Maybe I don't really like it after all. Maybe I will fall out of love with it in 2 months' time.
Sigh...ah shit, I am in love with the heart. I am afraid to be. It is one of the most sought-after specialty and I will definitely be in for an arduous journey to get into the department or just to get a place in the masters programme, not to mention to study and learn it when I get the above-mentioned.Ah heck, nothing is easy right? There is one thing I learned from my brother today. JUST WHACK! Maybe I would do just that...Go heads on and put my heart into hearts.
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