What If

I thought I have put it in the past. I thought I have gotten over it. I thought I would be fine in your presence. But I am wrong apparently. The potpourri of emotions resurfaced and threatened to overpower me. Fortunately, I have a strong fort. If nothing is going to change, I hope my fort will be strong enough to hold me back. Either that, or I hope I will be able to see you in a different light, I hope I will be at peace in your presence, eventually. It would take the most miraculous miracle of course, to hope for things to go my way. That would be too much to ask from God, too selfish, too vain that I am not sure I dare to even ask God for it.

The future, I am uncertain of. But one thing about the past, which I am certain of is not telling you then, for being too proud, too cautious, too doubtful, thinking I have all the time and all the opportunities in the world. Now I will always be left wondering What Ifs.