A few years ago, I had this Underworld VCD at home and I turned it on, wanting to watch it. A few minutes later, I turned it off, too scared of the monsters. A horror scene or a monster could be so fake that a 5-year-old could watch it without fear but before me, it could be so scary that I have to close my eyes and shut my ears and still have vivid images of them when I lay on my bed at night. Well, guess what? I definitely have more guts now. I watched "Underworld: Awakening" today and I LOVE IT! I love the actions, the gruesome killings, the so-ugly-that-it-becomes-scary-looking Lycans and not even the sweet little girl who turns evil-looking and could climb on the wall scared me.
(There's something about monsters and ghosts that climb on the wall which scares the hell out of me. I could stay awake in fear imagining a ghost perched at the corner of the ceiling looking down. Great, now I am scaring myself.)
I have been a bit of an action movie junkie lately. The killings, bombs, guns and bullets, fightings, assassination- I love it all. Gone are the days when I only watch chick flicks or romance. Now it's action *cracks knuckles*
Anyone has all the movies of Underworld?
Monday, January 30, 2012
Saturday, January 21, 2012
JOY
I was in so much emotional turmoil that I just couldn't bear it. And so, I did what any weak-spirited person would do. I threw in the towel.
I BOOKED A FLIGHT HOME.
The flight's tomorrow morning. :') (Tears of joy)
Actually I have no one to blame but myself. I could have made a decision months ago and booked the flight home for CNY. But I procrastinated and kept deceiving myself into believing that I could endure CNY without going back home. I should have known better, especially after last CNY which I spent in Kudat.
I could have spared myself the emotional torture. I have been feeling so down and depressed weeks before till today. This morning, when I was doing my groceries in Giant and saw the CNY goods and the aunties doing the last minute shopping, my carefully- protected emotional dam just crumbled. I went back to my room and vowed to pick myself up and distracted myself by cooking, something I very rarely do here. And then I pretended to study while the imaginations run wild. The vision of me back home, eating reunion dinner, of me visiting my grandmothers and babysitter and relatives, me sitting at home with mum with all the lights at home turned on brightly on the eve, ushering the new year, of me going to the temple (yes, I go to temple once a year) to pay respects to my late grandfather on the first day of CNY. I was literally in physical pain from homesickness.
And so I asked Nad for a favour, the type of favour which I have always vowed to refrain from asking ever in my lifetime. I broke my own personal principle and asked for it anyway because I was in so much torture. So acute was my homesickness that if I were to slap myself the whole day, I wouldn't have felt anything.
Anyway, HAPPY ENDING. I AM GOING BACK HOME!
I BOOKED A FLIGHT HOME.
The flight's tomorrow morning. :') (Tears of joy)
Actually I have no one to blame but myself. I could have made a decision months ago and booked the flight home for CNY. But I procrastinated and kept deceiving myself into believing that I could endure CNY without going back home. I should have known better, especially after last CNY which I spent in Kudat.
I could have spared myself the emotional torture. I have been feeling so down and depressed weeks before till today. This morning, when I was doing my groceries in Giant and saw the CNY goods and the aunties doing the last minute shopping, my carefully- protected emotional dam just crumbled. I went back to my room and vowed to pick myself up and distracted myself by cooking, something I very rarely do here. And then I pretended to study while the imaginations run wild. The vision of me back home, eating reunion dinner, of me visiting my grandmothers and babysitter and relatives, me sitting at home with mum with all the lights at home turned on brightly on the eve, ushering the new year, of me going to the temple (yes, I go to temple once a year) to pay respects to my late grandfather on the first day of CNY. I was literally in physical pain from homesickness.
And so I asked Nad for a favour, the type of favour which I have always vowed to refrain from asking ever in my lifetime. I broke my own personal principle and asked for it anyway because I was in so much torture. So acute was my homesickness that if I were to slap myself the whole day, I wouldn't have felt anything.
Anyway, HAPPY ENDING. I AM GOING BACK HOME!
 |
| I haven't stopped smiling since. |
P/S: Thanks Nad, I owe you big time. Thanks also to Chand for the encouragement.
Friday, January 20, 2012
Saturday, January 14, 2012
God kept me safe
You never really know how close you are to death until after you
have escaped it or until, you are well, dead. I never felt it while I was
driving today, although I was chanting prayers throughout the journey to and
fro Kudat today. I wasn't feeling very confident of subjecting my car to the
3-hour drive on the unexpected roads and traffic of the Sabah outskirts since
the flood incident. My car is just never the same again and I have lost
confidence and a sense of security in it. It has, after all, been through a
helluva flood and damage.
But two of my best friends came and I really wanted to bring them
around Kudat to experience the culture and lifestyle of the local people there.
During the journey there, my car just went all weird (don't know the technical term
for it). It started to jerk and lose power all of a sudden, as if the battery
had suddenly gone dead. Initially, I thought it was because of the car battery
as the batt light always came on during these episodes of car 'fits'. Not only
that, the scary thing was, when that happened, my brake became all weird as
well, it kinda lost its grip and I thought then and there that my time must be
up. The steering wheel would became quite rigid as well. I had no idea when
these fits would occur. Just when I thought all was well and started
accelerating, it would occur again. To make matters worse, on my way back, I
was still 2 hours away from KK when the sky turned dark. I was driving my
fitful car in the dark on dangerous, uneven, landslide-prone roads.
Thinking about it now gives me the chills. I was that close to
death. I am exaggerating, you say. Maybe, maybe not. There were so many times
when I could have met with an accident. But I didn’t. I arrived at Kudat and
then back in KK safely. This may not be those hair-raising testimonies that you
hear but it is for me. God kept us (my friends and I) safe. He kept us in that
bubble of protection where no harm could come our way.
I am also incredibly regretful and sorry to have put my friends in
danger- 2 of my oldest friends, Lynn and Bee and the 2 Caucasian
backpackers, whom I gave a lift to, as well as my best buddies here, Chand and
Nad. Chand and Nad purposely waited for me for 2 hours to accompany me on the
drive back when they could have gone back in the SPU bus. If anything were to
happen to anyone of them, it would be nobody's fault but mine. *shudder* Let's
hope I won't get nightmares tonight.
After consulting a few people, they all thought that the problem
was probably due to some fuse or circuit problem. Sigh... I love my car but I
don't feel good driving it now...don't feel safe, secure and confident driving
it...I don't speak cars but I know the flood must have damaged it badly. It's
like when a person has epilepsy. You don't know when the fits are going to
occur. There may be precipitating factors or some premonition before a fit in
epilepsy but there may also be none. The fits can occur anytime, anywhere. I
feel like that with my car. :(
Monday, January 9, 2012
*Gasp*
I had a panic attack. I thought this week was Week 3 of my current posting. Little did I know it is already Week 4!!! This means I have only 3 more weeks left before end-posting exams, 5 more weeks left before my MOCK exams and before my PUPUK report is due. Not to mention, it's
*gasping for air*
Somebody, please sedate me!
98 DAYS TO PROFESSIONAL EXAMS!
*gasping for air*
Somebody, please sedate me!
Friday, January 6, 2012
The nerd talking
I listened in awe as Dr Hamed explained splenorrhaphy to us today. If I wasn't making a conscious effort to keep my mouth closed, I would have listened with my mouth wide opened in wonder. I didn't know such a thing as splenorrhaphy existed until today. Till then, I thought that once liver or splenic laceration or rupture occurs, there's no other way other than splenectomy (for spleen) or death (if liver rupture). Until we learned of these. Listen to this...
In case of liver laceration, you can do a finger hepatectomy to actually widen the laceration and then, attempt to ligate the bleeding arteries between the laceration. (There are other methods of repairing the liver injury too which are the common ones that you've probably heard of.)
For splenic laceration, you can actually 'suture' the spleen together by using the omentum. As it is not possible to directly suture the spleen together due to its consistency, you can use the omentum and bring it over the lacerated area and tie the suture through the omentum. Other than omentum, you can use other materials too, which I am not very sure of. And this is SPLENORRHAPHY. How awesome is that!!! You can also use this method to repair liver laceration.
I know that these knowledge are beyond my level. I don't even have the knowledge of anatomy and physiology of liver and spleen at the tip of my fingers. But occasionally, I need out-of-the-world, mouth-gaping knowledge like these to remind me why Medicine is so fascinating. The stress of assignments, studying for endless exams, drilling by lecturers day after day can make life dull and lustre-less. And the occasional infusion of exciting information and knowledge can add some spice back to the otherwise, dull life.
The 4 hours of class with Dr Hamed today ended with me feeling all hyped up and excited. Like I am ready to storm into the OT and stand through surgery after surgery. Padahal, kalau ditanya anatomy questions, my excited bubble would probably burst terus.
Anyhow, today was great. Because of that class. And because it's FRIDAY!
In case of liver laceration, you can do a finger hepatectomy to actually widen the laceration and then, attempt to ligate the bleeding arteries between the laceration. (There are other methods of repairing the liver injury too which are the common ones that you've probably heard of.)
For splenic laceration, you can actually 'suture' the spleen together by using the omentum. As it is not possible to directly suture the spleen together due to its consistency, you can use the omentum and bring it over the lacerated area and tie the suture through the omentum. Other than omentum, you can use other materials too, which I am not very sure of. And this is SPLENORRHAPHY. How awesome is that!!! You can also use this method to repair liver laceration.
I know that these knowledge are beyond my level. I don't even have the knowledge of anatomy and physiology of liver and spleen at the tip of my fingers. But occasionally, I need out-of-the-world, mouth-gaping knowledge like these to remind me why Medicine is so fascinating. The stress of assignments, studying for endless exams, drilling by lecturers day after day can make life dull and lustre-less. And the occasional infusion of exciting information and knowledge can add some spice back to the otherwise, dull life.
The 4 hours of class with Dr Hamed today ended with me feeling all hyped up and excited. Like I am ready to storm into the OT and stand through surgery after surgery. Padahal, kalau ditanya anatomy questions, my excited bubble would probably burst terus.
Anyhow, today was great. Because of that class. And because it's FRIDAY!
Sunday, January 1, 2012
The perfect resolutions
I have found the perfect resolutions for 2012 in Lectio Divina- Dec 2011 edition. It makes me somewhat ashamed of my somewhat shallow and materialistic wishes in my previous post.
So, for 2012, with God's help, I shall:
Give up complaining...focus on gratitude
Give up harsh judgements...think kind thoughts
Give up worry...trust divine providence
Give up discouragement...be full of hope
Give up bitterness...turn to forgiveness
Give up hatred...return good for evil
Give up anger... practise patience
Give up pettiness...put on maturity
Give up gloom...enjoy beauty that is around me
Give up gossiping...control my tongue
So, for 2012, with God's help, I shall:
Give up complaining...focus on gratitude
Give up harsh judgements...think kind thoughts
Give up worry...trust divine providence
Give up discouragement...be full of hope
Give up bitterness...turn to forgiveness
Give up hatred...return good for evil
Give up anger... practise patience
Give up pettiness...put on maturity
Give up gloom...enjoy beauty that is around me
Give up gossiping...control my tongue
Have faith
New year! New beginning. New adventures. New experiences. New hopes and wishes.
Great year with not many ups and downs actually. A pretty static year. Finished Year 4 and started Year 5 with Elective posting in Sydney. Had a great learning experience and holiday in Sydney. All thanks to my brother. It was great seeing him and catching up after a year plus. First time observing cardiothoracic surgeries which was really really interesting. It makes me want to watch Paediatric cardiothoracic surgeries now, after having watched the adult ones. Released I don't like the cold weather overseas, I prefer the sunny, hot and even humid weather in the tropics where I get to wear thin, colorful, 1-layer clothes, instead of having to bundle myself in layers of dark-colored clothes overseas. Urggh... But Sydney was definitely the highlight of 2011.
I would like to think I have gained more knowledge, maturity and wisdom. Hihi... Year 5...let's see. I'm sure that I don't like OBGYN. I think Medicine is really really difficult and complex and that I may not be cut out for it BUT I won't rule out the possibility of being a physician, maybe just to take up the challenge. I know, I must be crazy. I really enjoyed Paeds. I have always liked surgery, but I have yet to complete surgical posting, so I won't comment further until then. I like E. Med too but I don't really have much exposure to it at the moment.
I find out the meaning of true friendship and save some of my time by deciding to stop putting effort in maintaining those that are not worth my time.
The only true down in 2011 was the flood incident, when my car was submerged. That was a true nightmare. And that expensive traffic fine that had burnt a hole in my pocket.
And that nobody has yet managed to steal my heart, other than these 2 angels.
That my family and I be healthy, safe and happy. Bless us with some wealth too. Hehe..
That I be a doctor by April 2012- passed my Prof Exams at one go, get a great hospital for housemanship and a smooth beginning for my career.
To love more and forgive easily.
That the perfect match that you have made for me in heaven will appear soon.
Well, you see, God, my risk of breast cancer is increased if I remain nulliparous from age 25 onwards, not to mention that the rates of fertility problems and obstetrics complications increase as a woman's age progresses. Besides, I really love kids (though that doesn't equate to being a good mum). And I don't desire to be that weird, fierce, bitter and difficult person that are common qualities associated with spinsterhood. I know, this is an unfair stereotype. Oh well, when the time comes and spinsterhood is inevitable, I would get a dog. LOL.
A chance to travel. You know which countries are on my mind... *with pleading, angelic eyes*
If I am being too greedy, I will compromise, God, with just the above 2. Thank you.
To be honest, I am a little afraid. The pessimism within reminds me that there can never be only ups in life. So I am already afraid for the downs.
Recap of 2011
Great year with not many ups and downs actually. A pretty static year. Finished Year 4 and started Year 5 with Elective posting in Sydney. Had a great learning experience and holiday in Sydney. All thanks to my brother. It was great seeing him and catching up after a year plus. First time observing cardiothoracic surgeries which was really really interesting. It makes me want to watch Paediatric cardiothoracic surgeries now, after having watched the adult ones. Released I don't like the cold weather overseas, I prefer the sunny, hot and even humid weather in the tropics where I get to wear thin, colorful, 1-layer clothes, instead of having to bundle myself in layers of dark-colored clothes overseas. Urggh... But Sydney was definitely the highlight of 2011.
I would like to think I have gained more knowledge, maturity and wisdom. Hihi... Year 5...let's see. I'm sure that I don't like OBGYN. I think Medicine is really really difficult and complex and that I may not be cut out for it BUT I won't rule out the possibility of being a physician, maybe just to take up the challenge. I know, I must be crazy. I really enjoyed Paeds. I have always liked surgery, but I have yet to complete surgical posting, so I won't comment further until then. I like E. Med too but I don't really have much exposure to it at the moment.
I find out the meaning of true friendship and save some of my time by deciding to stop putting effort in maintaining those that are not worth my time.
The only true down in 2011 was the flood incident, when my car was submerged. That was a true nightmare. And that expensive traffic fine that had burnt a hole in my pocket.
And that nobody has yet managed to steal my heart, other than these 2 angels.
Dear Lord, these are my prayers and wishes for 2012:
That my family and I be healthy, safe and happy. Bless us with some wealth too. Hehe..
That I be a doctor by April 2012- passed my Prof Exams at one go, get a great hospital for housemanship and a smooth beginning for my career.
To love more and forgive easily.
That the perfect match that you have made for me in heaven will appear soon.
Well, you see, God, my risk of breast cancer is increased if I remain nulliparous from age 25 onwards, not to mention that the rates of fertility problems and obstetrics complications increase as a woman's age progresses. Besides, I really love kids (though that doesn't equate to being a good mum). And I don't desire to be that weird, fierce, bitter and difficult person that are common qualities associated with spinsterhood. I know, this is an unfair stereotype. Oh well, when the time comes and spinsterhood is inevitable, I would get a dog. LOL.
A chance to travel. You know which countries are on my mind... *with pleading, angelic eyes*
If I am being too greedy, I will compromise, God, with just the above 2. Thank you.
To be honest, I am a little afraid. The pessimism within reminds me that there can never be only ups in life. So I am already afraid for the downs.
BE NOT AFRAID, EUNICE. TRUST IN THE LORD, HAVE FAITH...
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