Children

Neonates are scary...these fragile little things, especially the premature babies. Of the many times I hold their hands tightly to take blood, I am so afraid that I might break something. It's a miracle how these tiny forms (the premature babies) could sustain such a big thing as LIFE.

Working in Paeds has been really enjoyable. I don't understand how people can dislike kids. They are just lovely, adorable, irresistible-to-love beings. Okay some really spoiled kids can be really annoying. I see why they refer a newborn as A BUNDLE OF JOY. If only I am allowed to take photos in the neonate ward, I would have taken photos everyday. The little babies are wrapped so snugly into a bundle...and BUNDLE is really the word for it. When I am free, I would go around and just meraba them. I see now how a woman can give up her career after having children. I was holding a baby today and just staring at him sleep and he is not even my baby!
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But it can be very crushing emotionally to see the very ill babies or babies born with syndromes or diseases. If I could ask God for one thing, I would ask God to spare all children any suffering or diseases..maybe short term disease is fine but just not long term sufferings and diseases.

When a colleague of mine broke news to a father that his baby has Down's syndrome, he just burst into tears. We see babies with Down's syndrome almost everyday. It's just such a common thing to me that it never occurred to me that it is a very wrenching news to the parents. The sufferings, sacrifices and strengths of parents with chronically-ill children are just immense and unimaginable to me. We greet them at least 3 times a day and ask them the same standard things "Baby active tak? Makan minum bagus? Kencing ada kurang? Berak macam biasa? and they could still find it in them to smile and answer our questions patiently (most of them, anyway) despite all that they are going through. A few mothers have already stayed for months in the hospital with their child and still remain cheerful and optimistic. How do they do it? They are heroes to me...these mothers.

They say parenthood changes you. I am sure it does. I hear your world begins to revolve around your child and your child will always come first above all else. I don't doubt this. If one day God chooses me to be a mother, I hope I can be a mother that is worthy of my child.

Love-hate relationship

Gosh I am so having a crush on Romeo Tan, the new-ish Spore actor. So handsome.... *silly girlish gush*
Gosh Eunice. Grow up, woman!
Well, old ladies have crushes too. So I can too. *adamant*

On a different note, I have this love-hate relationship with my job. Hate is an exaggeration, but you get my point. When I am working, I feel alive, excited, interested, enthusiastic and satisfied BUT I am also feeling nervous, scared, angry and humiliated sometimes. I am falling short of being a nervous wreck, what with all these feelings bombarding me all at the same time. But I am still in control right now. Still.

When I am not working or when it's a slow day at work, I feel so lethargic and bored. I hate sitting down and doing nothing. I hate not doing anything. And so I would yearn for a busy time when I have free time. Time seems to pass by faster when you are busy. Like I was off yesterday and by evening time, I can't wait to go back to work today. How sick am I!

Anyhow, I better not over-analyze myself. Like I was once told, I am too conscious of my emotions. Is that even possible? Too conscious of your emotions! Apparently so. So how do I inhibit this over- consciousness of my own feelings? Ahh...

Let's start my STOP THINKING.  OR.....

Think of Romeo Tan. *Goofy grin*

(Romeo is a celebrity blogger. I should remind myself never to comment on his blog. If he accidentally clicks on my comment and sees this post, it would be beyond humiliating.)