Week 2

Week 2 in surgical posting

Surgery is fun and relaxing.

Standing for hours watching surgeries is taking a toil on my back and leg veins. I can almost feel my varicose veins worsening. Seriously contemplating the options for treatment should they worsen. I was kidding around with Nadiah- When people asked me next time why I didn't end up pursuing surgery, I will tell them "Oh because I don't want to get varicose veins."

The hospital and OR are Brrr-rrr Cold, a big difference from previous Medicine posting, when I was soaked with sweat which would turn into dried sticky sweat with dust and oil on my face, and then began sweating again- the cycle of sweat-- dried sweat--- sweat the whole day- Something I am glad to be rid of now.

Miss Saw is great. Love her teaching and was not as fearsome as people say and certainly not as terrifying as  Dr Snake from O & G last time. But still, she has an infamous reputation. People who work alongside her are known and bound to get SAWED by her, literally di-gergaji. But I still think her teaching is awesome though she is quit fussy. Well, as Dr Soo said, as doctors, we should be more fussy. We would want a fussy doctor to treat us or our family members. Hmmm...but I still hear of some ridiculous rules which she is said to demand of us from our clinical skills. Might have to conclude my impression of her later on.

Have not experienced the awesomeness of the mighty Mr Chuah. I am totally ready to be awed and inspired.

Noticed the ratio of female surgeons to male surgeons is very low. And the ratio of female training specialists/ MO to male is even lower. I also noticed of all the 3 female surgeons, one is single and one is nulliparous (don't know if she is married, she only told us she is nulliparous...lol). Don't know the marital status of the other one. As much as I aspire to be a surgeon, I also want to have a family.

I can't seem to finish my presentation on Painful Scrotum due tomorrow morning. :(

Oh and most importantly, there are many cute MOs in Surgery. I may have a new infatuation, mainly because the old one, who is supposed to be in Surgery too, is nowhere to be seen. So, what choice do I have but to find a new one? HAHA. Hiao-nya aku.

Christ's Mass

Over my 5 years here, all the Christmas presents that I had received were from non-Christian friends. LOL.. Nadiah gave me one every year. And this year, she bought me lots of goodies. The funny thing is that among the many goodies, she and Chand shared and gave me a photo album this year. And guess what was the Xmas gift I bought her? A photo album too... ZOMG.... I have to say, we were telepathic and GREAT MINDS THINK ALIKE. Hehe...

Another friend bought me a Chinese book for beginners. She remembered that I have wanted to learn Chinese for quite some time. It really touched me that she remembered this tiny detail that I told her long time ago.

Christmas gifts-  Photo taken with Nad's polaroid camera 

For as long as I can remember, I have always celebrated Christmas, not on Christmas day, well technically not.  And even then, I was always busier BEFORE Christmas day- what with being in the choir last time, the choir rehearsals, caroling, Christmas parties, all of them were PRIOR to Christmas day. All preparations and pre-Christmas celebrations have always led to the grand and actual celebration which was Christmas Eve Mass. Come 25th December, I would be at home, recuperating from the prior Christmas hustle and bustle. And so, my friend was surprised that I didn't go anywhere yesterday. I didn't find it unnatural.

Did you know that Christmas actually means Christ's Mass, hence the word 'Christmas'? Learned that during the priest's sermon on Christmas Eve Mass.

Christmas, Christmas, Christmas

I just love it. It's my favourite occasion. The very thought of Christmas makes me happy, even though I didn't celebrate it in quite a festive and va-va-voom manner as I should be, considering it being my favourite-est. Ever since I left the choir, I haven't felt that I was spiritually prepared for Christmas. It was easy during the choir days, singing with a bunch of other youths/ friends, feeling the Christmas spirit filling our heart as we lift our voices to commemorate and welcome the birth of Christ. Singing and traveling to different places to bring Christmas cheer and spread the message to others were really fulfilling then. I felt spiritually prepared. It was during the month of December that I felt I had somewhat carried out my responsibility as a Catholic. Our wassailing activities were a form of evangelization. Of course, we weren't that arrogant to think that we were then, until a nun acknowledged and told us that what we were doing was actually considered evangelization. And now, not actively involved in any church activities, at times, I feel lost and useless as a Catholic.I should be doing something. And by myself, it takes a lot more effort if I need to grow spiritually. So now, I am actually at a stagnant phase of my spiritual life. I will and MUST do something about this.

There wasn't a Christmas since I left the choir that didn't make me miss the SHY Choir days- when I listen to other choirs sing, even listening to the church choir here during Sunday Mass every week. And there wasn't a moment during these times that didn't remind of the man who made it all possible for us, the youths of St. Henry's Church. Merry Christmas and as usual, I wish you were around. But I'm sure you are having an even more epic Christmas in where you are.

Christmases

It's Christmas again!

2007 Xmas- Year 1 as med student: Could not, for the life of me, remember where and what I did for Xmas that year. Couldn't even remember if I was in KK or BP. Age is catching up on me.

2008- Year 2- Xmas in KK. A bunch of friends joined Agnes and I for Christmas Eve Mass. Forced 'someone' to exchange Xmas gift with me. Alas, we are not meant to be. Moving on........(literally)

2009- Year 3- Christmas in Dr WWM's house in Sandakan. Had a great time. We had a caroling session during the Xmas party and the amazing thing was that our Muslim friends joined us...One even played the guitar for us...All the lecturers, none of whom are Christians joined in and had a jolly time as well. Oh, and Dr WWM, wasn't even a Christian.

2010- Year 4- Christmas in BP. Opened our house to the carolers. Leonard, my brother, was the Santa Claus. LOL...Our Leonard, who is always so shy with us at home, was, beyond our wildest dream, dancing and jollying all the way as the Santa Claus. Seemed like I didn't know my brother that well after all.

2011- Year 5- Christmas in KK. Probably my last Christmas here (if I don't ever return). Unexpectedly bought a lovely dress last minute, just few hours before Mass, which kinda kept me more in the mood for Christmas. Lol...So shallow of me. Can't stand myself. CHRISTMAS IS NOT ABOUT FASHION SHOW OR MATERIALISM! Ish...  I feel kinda bad. I didn't even have my confession before Xmas this year- Again, I put my studies, needs, convenience above God and missed confession. Sigh...When am I going to learn!
        Had supper at a Spanish restaurant with Agnes, Chandran and Nadiah after Mass and as usual, good company= good time. Oh, and we had a CHRISTMAS PICNIC this morning. It was my first time having a picnic. Bought lots of food last night and woke up early to prepare them this morning- Mayo sandwiches, cheese sausages, Chicken and mushroom soup, Fried chicken, Iced lemon tea and Shir Lee bought chrysanthemum tea, like the homemade type. Reminded me of home.
         Before I left BP last week, Erin organized a pre-Christmas Christmas dinner. I had such a good time with Erin, Michele, Wendy and Bee. All of us who used to be based out of BP, were on that rare occasion, all around in BP. Reminisced about high school years- the stupid things we did- Laughed the whole night. LOVE YOU GIRLS!

Besides recalling my previous Christmases, I also tend to imagine my future Christmases. I hope my future Christmases will be as good as all my previous ones or be even better yet.

Nadiah made a video of the Christmas picnic. Laughed my head off. 

It was such a nice, funny, happy video.

F.R.I.E.N.D.S

Have I mentioned how much I love my besties here, Nadiah and Chandran? I don't know why but in recent weeks I have come to realize how precious our friendships, or rather, any good friendship, is and I learn to appreciate them even more. Maybe because during the flood incident, Nad was there for me, throughout. Not that she hasn't been there for me ALL the time. And Chand sent a text msg of concern and that one text message was enough to make me feel better as opposed to others, who annoyingly asked me every detail like the price of my car repair, how my car was towed, every single detail of my experience. Come on, you guys are just nosy, not concerned. Plus whenever it starts to rain, these people will get all worried about their car, when it has only started drizzling. Like they are the ones suffering from PTSD from MY experience. It certainly didn't make me feel good whenever they did that. And another friend, whose friendship that I've decided to give up completely. All relationships need effort on both sides to maintain. I don't hate you but I just think  that friendship with you is not worth the effort of maintaining. 

I guess it's my fault that I have taken the people around me somewhat for granted. It's a good thing that I realized this in time, while I still have them. 

Like today, Nad, Chand and I went to Lok Kawi Wildlife Park. We don't need to plan ahead in detail. Nor do we need to for any of our activities. When one of us suggested something, it's definitely a sure thing that the other 2 of us will say yes, with no fuss at all. As opposed to when I tried inviting other friends (outside our clique), it's always a complicated affair. There's definitely something to oppose about, the time, the place, the transport, the something. And so, with time, we learn NOT to invite others, just us...Haha...which proved to be a wise choice because we always have the best time. In times of stress, our little outing- meals or movie together, provided me comfort and relief. In leisure times, hanging out with them just makes things 10 times fun-ner. 

So, this is what we have- Nad, Chand and I.- the close bond, the camaraderie, the chemistry, the ability to put up with each other's differences, complementing each other's inadequacies, the comfort and ease in each other's presence AND sharing a common phobia- All 3 of us are terrified of snakes. Haha...

I pray that our friendship will get stronger with years to come. This is mushy but I love you guys!

You 2 should really take more photos together. Can't seem to find many photos  of  you 2 taken together.

Chand is too dark...lol..

Nature lovers...(Yeah..right)

To not kill someone

What topics am I reading now? All the topics I got scolded for, ridiculed at, frowned upon and given disappointed looks at for NOT knowing.

"You are going to be house officers in less than 6 months' time. You must know how to diagnose...You must know the emergency management of.... Patient is going to die if you don't know... You have the liberty to prescribe medications in less than 6 months' time. You must know the dose. What? You are going to start checking the BNF only then? .....I'm not scolding you all. I just want to train you all to be good doctors.... I can tell you, it will be very rewarding when you have treated the patient. They will thank you for saving their lives...." etc etc....

Those are the things I remember today because we got scolded, got disappointed and disapproving looks from a strict, fearsome (really, fearsome is the word, I am not exaggerating) and of course, outstanding Professor of Medicine today. Thank you for scolding us. We deserve it because everything you explained to us are right there in the books. So, you're right, we ARE ignorant. (I have no freaking idea what the hell have I been doing the past 6 weeks, I seem to know nothing.)

To the lecturer, who baby-ed us, who told us we are good even though we are C.R.A.P,  NO THANKS to you. We are probably going to kill someone someday because of your pampering, for falsely reassuring us, for acknowledging our competence, which is actually, non-existence.. And as predicted, I am not coming home today to read what you have taught, well, because you told us we are so good already.

I have to constantly remind myself that I am studying and reading so hard because I want to be a good doctor. I want to SAVE lives. Patients', HUMAN lives are in my hands. I have the 'power' to kill (or save) them. And with this reminder, it makes studying less like a choice and more like a necessity and a must, less like a chore and more out of interest (to not kill someone). Why do I keep using the phrase "To not kill someone"? Because you'd be surprised at how easy it is for us, with our negligence and ignorance, to do so. It's much LESS ambitious to aim to NOT kill someone, rather than to save someone. You just have to do the basics in order not to kill someone. But to SAVE someone, you really have to go that extra mile. And for now, it's imperative that I learn and master the basics.

(I'm beginning to notice that all my titles are a bit on the dark side...which consist of words like 'kill', 'bastards', 'bitch'...wonder if that was the reason my uni blocked my access to my blog)