To not kill someone

What topics am I reading now? All the topics I got scolded for, ridiculed at, frowned upon and given disappointed looks at for NOT knowing.

"You are going to be house officers in less than 6 months' time. You must know how to diagnose...You must know the emergency management of.... Patient is going to die if you don't know... You have the liberty to prescribe medications in less than 6 months' time. You must know the dose. What? You are going to start checking the BNF only then? .....I'm not scolding you all. I just want to train you all to be good doctors.... I can tell you, it will be very rewarding when you have treated the patient. They will thank you for saving their lives...." etc etc....

Those are the things I remember today because we got scolded, got disappointed and disapproving looks from a strict, fearsome (really, fearsome is the word, I am not exaggerating) and of course, outstanding Professor of Medicine today. Thank you for scolding us. We deserve it because everything you explained to us are right there in the books. So, you're right, we ARE ignorant. (I have no freaking idea what the hell have I been doing the past 6 weeks, I seem to know nothing.)

To the lecturer, who baby-ed us, who told us we are good even though we are C.R.A.P,  NO THANKS to you. We are probably going to kill someone someday because of your pampering, for falsely reassuring us, for acknowledging our competence, which is actually, non-existence.. And as predicted, I am not coming home today to read what you have taught, well, because you told us we are so good already.

I have to constantly remind myself that I am studying and reading so hard because I want to be a good doctor. I want to SAVE lives. Patients', HUMAN lives are in my hands. I have the 'power' to kill (or save) them. And with this reminder, it makes studying less like a choice and more like a necessity and a must, less like a chore and more out of interest (to not kill someone). Why do I keep using the phrase "To not kill someone"? Because you'd be surprised at how easy it is for us, with our negligence and ignorance, to do so. It's much LESS ambitious to aim to NOT kill someone, rather than to save someone. You just have to do the basics in order not to kill someone. But to SAVE someone, you really have to go that extra mile. And for now, it's imperative that I learn and master the basics.

(I'm beginning to notice that all my titles are a bit on the dark side...which consist of words like 'kill', 'bastards', 'bitch'...wonder if that was the reason my uni blocked my access to my blog)