I don't belong

I think I have had enough of OZ. It's time to go home. Yes, Malaysia is home, no matter what, no matter the heat, the vehicle fumes, the garbage, the corrupted leaders and all the Malaysian crap. I like OZ. The laidback life, the efficient public transport, the civilized society, the clean toilets with toilet paper but...but...but... I don't know. There's something missing. I miss the Manglish, the heat, yes, the heat (but not the humidity- it's really a torture whenever I step into the bathroom here. I have to muster a gargantuan amount of courage and strength to take off my clothes, then all is well with the hot water, then comes the stepping out of the shower part..). Most of all, I miss the sense of belonging. I miss feeling like I belong somewhere. I belong in Malaysia. I don't feel out of place. I feel right being where I am and doing what I am doing when I am back home. Over here, in OZ, I always feel out of place and never truly comfortable, even if I am sitting with my legs up on the coach in the common room or sitting in on department meetings and lectures, acting like I belong.

I guess I know now what it means when they say SETTLE DOWN. I am not settled down yet, after almost 4 weeks here. Initially, it was exciting and adventurous, trying to blend in, doing the things they do, acting and even, speaking like them, to some extent.

Oh well, this is all part of an experience, isn't it? So in a way, I should be glad that I am experiencing something, even the sense of NOT belonging. lol... Ah ,well then!