Shaken

I sense I am going to be blogging more frequently in the next 2 months. Paeds hasn't officially started and I am already affected, emotionally. Went to the Paeds ward today and saw this chubby baby boy who looked so sick- hooked with nasal prong, Ryle's tube and just lying there so lifelessly. And then I read the case note.

"Traumatic brain injury, suspected NAI." (NAI stands for non-accidental injury, meaning deliberate injury, meaning abuse)

"Shaken baby syndrome"

"Terson's syndrome"

As soon as I saw those words, I started forming judgement. I know we are not supposed to, but I am only human. Many thoughts formed in my mind as I stole many suspicious looks at the mother from my peripheral vision. I was trying to detect any underlying sign of an abusive behaviour or any cruelty in this lady, as if there would be. Sorry Ma'am, I couldn't help but judge you. The mother was like any other mother in the ward, loving, and trying to soothe the irritable baby. Although according to the case note, the baby is said to be taken care of by the grandparents, I couldn't help but judge the mother too. The mother was probably 10 times more shocked and sad, and would probably dismiss any possibility of abuse. After all, it's not any stranger, her baby boy is being taken care of by his grandparents. 

I felt so sad looking at the baby boy. I feel sad even now, just thinking of him, the possibility of his injury being inflicted upon him deliberately by the people who are supposed to love and protect him unconditionally. I feel even worse now, in fact, after looking up the information online about Shaken baby syndrome. It is a triad of subdural hematoma, retinal hemorrhage and brain swelling. The estimated mortality is 15-38%. The non-fatal consequences include visual impairment, motor impairment such as cerebral palsy and cognitive impairment. To think that a previously healthy baby could be at risk of DEATH and all these morbidities because another human being did this to him. Tell me how can I not feel sad. I am shaken as well, to be reminded again of the cruelty that exists. 

I pray with all my heart that the baby boy will recover fully, with no permanent sequelae. I pray that his injury would actually turn out to be an accidental injury and not because of abuse. I pray that he will always be blessed with parents, grandparents, siblings, family members and friends who would truly love him, care for him and protect him unconditionally.