I will survive

I feel weird. I feel uncertain. I don't feel up to it. I am excited but afraid at the same time. I am eager to work hard but there is a voice inside my head telling me to not take it too hard, too fast. I tell myself it's a marathon, not a sprint, at least it has been thus far, although I was always better at sprints than marathon. But that's beside the point. Certain knowledge which ought to be in my brain is simply not there, after all this while. And those that I seem to have, I somehow can never feel confident and utterly certain enough to say it out loud. I feel that I have learned a lot but what I have learned is just the tip of the iceberg... no, not even that. The more I learn, I realise, the more I don't know. I have tried my best in every posting, every exams and yet, I always feel I could have done better. I am often dissatisfied but I try my best to count my blessings.

All these sum up to one feeling, without which I wouldn't be feeling all that crappy....STRESSED! ALREADY! on Day 2 of my final year. It doesn't seem all that scary when I forget, sometimes, that I am in final year. When I am reminded of that fact, the dread comes back.

BUT, I know I will survive. I have to. Besides studying my ass off, it looks like I need to pray as hard as a Carmelite nun.