Am I still...?

I attended a 3-day conference, which started on Friday. I am not sure if 'attended' here is a proper term as I kinda selected only a few talks to attend. The topic of the conference was Advancing towards tertiary care or something like that. It was a mumbo-jumbo of all specialties, all departments and all topics. 

The highlight of the conference, of course, has nothing to do with the conference. haha... I met a doctor, whom I almost forgot that I was? am? was? am? having a crush on. Yes, the 'was' kinda mean that I have? had? have? been having a crush on him for the longest time... jeez..so long, it's time I 'crush' on somebody new la... Running into him 2days in a row, unexpectedly, caused a minor (I would say minor..hmm..) jolt on my heart, as if the heart was trying to remind me of its existence within my thoracic cavity. You know how you think you act stupidly in front of the people you like or have a crush on? That was what I felt. I felt clumsy, stupid and ugly.. so much for my self-esteem. And then, the conversation with him ran again and again in my mind and I kept thinking how stupid my sentences or how feeble my attempt at maintaining the conversation was. Ah....I might as well have buried my head in the sand like an ostrich. That would have been better. I better not run into him next time. Although the fluttery feeling in my heart (atrial flutter? lol..ok..lame, i know) felt kinda nice, I am not sure if the self-assessment later on is worth it.   

I change my mind. The self-reproach later on is worth it..Hehe..