Unloading my distress of the day will be a step towards inner peace...
Nad and I were accused of shouting at our 'poor' groupmate yesterday. Well, news spread like wild fire in the medical world, I notice, mainly because we have nothing better to entertain us other than gossips and more medical facts? zzzz....You see now why we stick to gossips for entertainment. I know...I know...gossiping is a sin. I will try to find other modes of entertainment.
Anyway, back to the story... This group mate of ours told his friends, who happened to be our friends as well, that we shouted at him, something we have no recollection of doing. From what I heard, he said we forced him to present this new case, which resulted in him doing badly during the case presentation in the teaching round because he was not prepared for it.
I was puzzled. I didn't even know he couldn't present his old case. I didn't even know that his patient had gone into labour until like 15mins before the teaching round. I didn't even know he had to find another new case to present last minute. In fact, I even smsed our group leader to inform that I have a case at hand which I could present as replacement in case he was not ready. But our group leader told me that since it was HIS turn to present, then he should be given the priority. Fair enough.. In previous occasions, this is usually what we do. If the assigned person somehow could not present his/her case as planned because something has cropped up regarding the patient, another of us in the group will usually stand in and replace. I guess with each new group and new leader comes new 'tradition' or rules.
So, how can I shout at him about it since I didn't even know what was going on with him until last minute? I feel so accused. To think that I felt bad for him and even texted him to kinda tell him it was just a typical bad day. It was the kind of day where one bad thing happens after another. Everyone has experienced such a day. He should know it wasn't his fault and that it wasn't his inadequacy as a medical student and that it wasn't that he was stupid, to put it bluntly. It was just a typical nightmarish sort of day. That's all. Period. Nobody is to be blamed. Well, of course, if you want to dig in, everyone and everything can be put to blame. And somehow, I feel like I was blamed for his bad presentation and his bad day.
I can be a mean person. I say sarcastic things. I say mean things. I say the most blunt and straightforward things. I am guilty of all of the above, I know. But shouting is not something I do. I get worked up sometimes when I talk about things that stimulate my emotions. But shouting is not something I do very often BECAUSE I don't NEED to shout. I have already been blessed with meanness, sarcasm and bluntness in speech, which is very effective in getting my message delivered across to people. Not to mention the rich vocabulary in swear words. And most importantly, I value my self image too much to risk tarnishing it by raising my voice in public. So for the life of me, I could not recall the moment when I shouted at him. Obviously, this is distressing me because I can't believe I am still bothered by it. Nothing works you up than when you are being accused of something.
I can hear the swear words in my mind but mind over matters...I can control myself ...I can....I know I can... INNER PEACE....INNER PEACE....INNER PEACE....
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