When I get a question in my head, I can't rest until I've got it out. Or when I have an opinion about something, I can't stop myself from speaking out either. If I somehow, miraculously, succeeded in suppressing that comment (usually sarcastic ones), I will not say it BUT I will SHOW it by portraying the facial expression and body language which says 'I have something to add to that but I don't think you'll get it or the 'Never mind' kind of look. If I have a sudden craving for a particular food, I'll continue to think of that food until I've eaten it. If I have an impulsion to do something, needless to say, I will go ahead and do it, no matter how bad an idea it might turn out to be.
After I've had my say, fulfilled my cravings, had my questions answered or impulsion acted upon, then can I only have my peace of mind, although sometimes, the consequences of my actions leave me in a state of emotional or mental turmoil. Well, what can I say except "You never know what will or will not happen. " I just can't live not knowing.
Past experiences have taught me that. There were a couple of times when I didn't say the things I should, do the things I ought to and I ended up regretting them up till today, STILL wondering if things could have turned out differently. The regret is just too much. And so, since the last episode, I've vowed to myself that I will never again suppress anything that I badly want to say or do. I really don't know YET if this is a good thing. Guess only time (and a few 'experiments') will tell.
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