I finally screwed up. I have been anticipating the day when I would have my first screw-up. Better to get it over with. And now I am actually relieved. I am nuts but that's just me. It's like the first time you step foot on a land mine. You know there will come a time when you will be blasted and so you wait in anticipation and the anxiety of waiting can be excruciating. But when you have actually stepped on one and the first explosion has gone off, immediately the stress and anxiety of waiting and anticipating disappear. It's not to say that I won't ever be afraid of making mistakes anymore. It's just that when I have committed one and have actually experienced the whole thing, it puts me more at ease because the next time it happens, I'll know what it feels like, I'll know how to cope with it. I'll know that it's not that difficult to get back up from the fall, not as difficult as I have imagined. And that I will survive because I have survived one before.
No, I didn't cost a life, in case you are wondering. Just some things which I could have done better . And it wasn't because, I was negligent or stupid or lazy but simply because I have no experience whatsover. It was my first time dealing with such a case although I have read multiple times about it in the textbook. But needless to say, theory and practical are worlds apart. And no matter how many times you have read and imagined the scenario, nothing is ever the same when you actually see one in real life. All information you think you know and you have so carefully memorized seem to have flown out of your mind.
Oh well, that mistake was a valuable mistake and I did learn from it as I have expected to. In fact, the next day, I got to apply what I have learned on another patient who came in with almost similar presentation.
Thank God for that screw up?
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