JOY

I was in so much emotional turmoil that I just couldn't bear it. And so, I did what any weak-spirited person would do. I threw in the towel.

I BOOKED A FLIGHT HOME.

The flight's tomorrow morning. :') (Tears of joy)

Actually I have no one to blame but myself. I could have made a decision months ago and booked the flight home for CNY. But I procrastinated and kept deceiving myself into believing that I could endure CNY without going back home. I should have known better, especially after last CNY which I spent in Kudat.

I could have spared myself the emotional torture. I have been feeling so down and depressed weeks before till today. This morning, when I was doing my groceries in Giant and saw the CNY goods and the aunties doing the last minute shopping, my carefully- protected emotional dam just crumbled. I went back to my room and vowed to pick myself up and distracted myself by cooking, something I very rarely do here. And then I pretended to study while the imaginations run wild. The vision of me back home, eating reunion dinner, of me visiting my grandmothers and babysitter and relatives, me sitting at home with mum with all the lights at home turned on brightly on the eve, ushering the new year, of me going to the temple (yes, I go to temple once a year) to pay respects to my late grandfather on the first day of CNY. I was literally in physical pain from homesickness.

And so I asked Nad for a favour, the type of favour which I have always vowed to refrain from asking ever in my lifetime. I broke my own personal principle and asked for it anyway because I was in so much torture. So acute was my homesickness that if I were to slap myself the whole day, I wouldn't have felt anything.

Anyway, HAPPY ENDING. I AM GOING BACK HOME!

I haven't stopped smiling since.

P/S: Thanks Nad, I owe you big time. Thanks also to Chand for the encouragement.