My ideal day when I begin to work in the future will have to be something like what I went through today. Arrive at hospital at 8am, scrub in for surgery (but of course, I will be the one operating next time...muahahaha....*fantasizing*), end of surgery, grab lunch and coffee, scrub in for another surgery....*tick tock tick tock* end of surgery, 5.30pm, just in time to knock off from work. Wooo...!!!
I had a great day today. That of course have to do with the surgeries. The 2 scrub nurses were 2 of my favourites. Their cheerfulness and warmth make me feel at ease straightaway. Knowing that I may feel out of place, they always go out of their way to talk and explain the procedures to me. Watching them is a joy- to see the spring in every of their step (literally), their singing and tapping to the music even during surgery, their animated replies in conversations, their quick and agile hands during surgery, their chemistry with the surgeons. It's obvious that they are highly skilled and experienced nurses. One thing that makes them stand out among other experienced doctors or nurses in the theater is the joy and pride in which they carry out their duties. It was always a pleasure, literally, to work in the same room as them. I used to have difficulty distinguishing them from each other because of the similar cheerfulness.
I asked many questions today, which makes me happy. I always have questions. If I don't ask them, I get that strong yearning and burning feeling from inside until somehow I would just spit them out. Nobody will believe me if I tell them how difficult it is for me to ask a question. When a question pops up in my head, I will toss that question round and round in my head, dissect that question down to its appropriateness, quality, whether the answer could be easily obtained from the book, the phrasing of the question, the leading question to the answer, which could sometimes lead to another question. I am a complex person, I know. I am weird, I know that too. Believe me, I am trying to change. So you have no idea how contented I feel whenever I get my questions, which have to pass my personal screening process, answered. The answers have to satisfy me as well or that burning feeling or a new feeling of dissatisfaction or confusion will arise. And the cycle will continue.
I am such a boring person that I can barely stand myself sometimes. Like Shit, why do I find this an ideal day?!! An ideal day should involve the word 'beach', 'shopping', 'ice cream' or 'cuddling'. I hope I am still normal, seriously.
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
Monday, May 23, 2011
Things I like about OZ
The dogs here are so handsome and beautiful and well-trained. They run at the same pace as their masters' jogging pace. Dogs are left outside the grocery store UNTIED. Guard dog leading their blind master. Ooo, people who don't love dogs must be mad.
Trains who arrive on the DOT and sometimes, earlier! Easily comprehensible train maps and computer screens on the platform. You can really plan your trip right down to the minute. The NSW Infoline website is amazing with a Trip Planner and Fare Calculator, where you can even plan the budget of your trip and hence, allows the cheapest or shortest route. The ticket machines which actually work is a far cry from Malaysia's, where 7 out of 10 are damaged. You can top out your weekly or monthly train ticket through the machine and that saves plenty of time. (Probably Malaysia's machines can too...I don't know. )
Australians, who are obsessed with saving the environment. Companies fork out hundreds of thousands to implement an energy-saving system in their buildings. I was in a toilet once and it suddenly went pitch black. I later found out it's a small teeny part of the energy saving technology in the building. The implementation of the carbon tax is proof enough of how seriously they take energy conservation and environmental protection. There is never only 1 type of garbage bin. There is always another recyclable bin beside a garbage bin, anywhere, everywhere.
The basic amenities provided by the clinical school. Microwave, sandwich maker, free coffee, tea, sugar, hot water, computers with internet access, which actually work and are freely accessible (yes, you don't have to APPLY or REGISTER to use the computers), the monthly subscribed educational and ENTERTAINMENT magazines for the students which will always be lying around on the coffee table for the perusal of everyone. Yes, when you come tomorrow, they will still be on the table!!! (this will never happen in Malaysia...I can almost hear the whispers of "Eh, free one, nobody take, just take la.." ) Now, I understand the horror and disgust of Dr Wendy when all her psychiatry books on the shelves went missing repeatedly during each posting.
Cleanliness. I don't hesitate so much to put my bags on the ground. I don't need to cover my nose and mouth to block the fumes from vehicles when I cross the road.
Civilized drivers, at least towards pedestrians. I am the KING if I step foot on a pedestrian crossing. All cars will stop for me.
Civilized society. The tattooed man in hoodie, the Asian guy, the burly labourer still in his dirty clothes who looked dead on his feet, obviously, from the night shift, the young man in sleek office wear and his iPad, EVERYONE and ANYONE, will give their seat away within seconds of someone, who is more in need of a seat, sets foot in the train. The ladies hardly have to give their seats away because the male species are already on it.
Gentleman. If any guy is within 3 feet from me, I never have to open the door for myself. My specialist opens the door and let us pass before he did during ward rounds. Over in Malaysia, we'll only get to see the specialist's back and butt and that's considered a privilege already. The average Joe will stop in his tracks to let you pass first. And why am I so impressed? Because 90% of guys I grow up with or know never have such simple, gentlemanly manners.
The secondhand book stores. Ahhh, that alone can be my ONLY reason to move overseas.
People are efficient, they know what they are doing and talking about, they take pride in what they are doing, be it the bus driver or traffic controller, and because of that, they carry out their duties well. And because everyone has this sense of responsibility, the country, as a whole, runs well. And when I think of my country, Malaysia and its leaders, and how much soul-searching they will have to do before they arrive at the stage that Australia is at now, I am engulfed by a deep pang of sadness and anguish. It is somewhat possible for me to spend my lifetime in Malaysia, if I don't read the news.
Australians, who are obsessed with saving the environment. Companies fork out hundreds of thousands to implement an energy-saving system in their buildings. I was in a toilet once and it suddenly went pitch black. I later found out it's a small teeny part of the energy saving technology in the building. The implementation of the carbon tax is proof enough of how seriously they take energy conservation and environmental protection. There is never only 1 type of garbage bin. There is always another recyclable bin beside a garbage bin, anywhere, everywhere.
The basic amenities provided by the clinical school. Microwave, sandwich maker, free coffee, tea, sugar, hot water, computers with internet access, which actually work and are freely accessible (yes, you don't have to APPLY or REGISTER to use the computers), the monthly subscribed educational and ENTERTAINMENT magazines for the students which will always be lying around on the coffee table for the perusal of everyone. Yes, when you come tomorrow, they will still be on the table!!! (this will never happen in Malaysia...I can almost hear the whispers of "Eh, free one, nobody take, just take la.." ) Now, I understand the horror and disgust of Dr Wendy when all her psychiatry books on the shelves went missing repeatedly during each posting.
Cleanliness. I don't hesitate so much to put my bags on the ground. I don't need to cover my nose and mouth to block the fumes from vehicles when I cross the road.
Civilized drivers, at least towards pedestrians. I am the KING if I step foot on a pedestrian crossing. All cars will stop for me.
Civilized society. The tattooed man in hoodie, the Asian guy, the burly labourer still in his dirty clothes who looked dead on his feet, obviously, from the night shift, the young man in sleek office wear and his iPad, EVERYONE and ANYONE, will give their seat away within seconds of someone, who is more in need of a seat, sets foot in the train. The ladies hardly have to give their seats away because the male species are already on it.
Gentleman. If any guy is within 3 feet from me, I never have to open the door for myself. My specialist opens the door and let us pass before he did during ward rounds. Over in Malaysia, we'll only get to see the specialist's back and butt and that's considered a privilege already. The average Joe will stop in his tracks to let you pass first. And why am I so impressed? Because 90% of guys I grow up with or know never have such simple, gentlemanly manners.
The secondhand book stores. Ahhh, that alone can be my ONLY reason to move overseas.
People are efficient, they know what they are doing and talking about, they take pride in what they are doing, be it the bus driver or traffic controller, and because of that, they carry out their duties well. And because everyone has this sense of responsibility, the country, as a whole, runs well. And when I think of my country, Malaysia and its leaders, and how much soul-searching they will have to do before they arrive at the stage that Australia is at now, I am engulfed by a deep pang of sadness and anguish. It is somewhat possible for me to spend my lifetime in Malaysia, if I don't read the news.
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
I don't belong
I think I have had enough of OZ. It's time to go home. Yes, Malaysia is home, no matter what, no matter the heat, the vehicle fumes, the garbage, the corrupted leaders and all the Malaysian crap. I like OZ. The laidback life, the efficient public transport, the civilized society, the clean toilets with toilet paper but...but...but... I don't know. There's something missing. I miss the Manglish, the heat, yes, the heat (but not the humidity- it's really a torture whenever I step into the bathroom here. I have to muster a gargantuan amount of courage and strength to take off my clothes, then all is well with the hot water, then comes the stepping out of the shower part..). Most of all, I miss the sense of belonging. I miss feeling like I belong somewhere. I belong in Malaysia. I don't feel out of place. I feel right being where I am and doing what I am doing when I am back home. Over here, in OZ, I always feel out of place and never truly comfortable, even if I am sitting with my legs up on the coach in the common room or sitting in on department meetings and lectures, acting like I belong.
I guess I know now what it means when they say SETTLE DOWN. I am not settled down yet, after almost 4 weeks here. Initially, it was exciting and adventurous, trying to blend in, doing the things they do, acting and even, speaking like them, to some extent.
Oh well, this is all part of an experience, isn't it? So in a way, I should be glad that I am experiencing something, even the sense of NOT belonging. lol... Ah ,well then!
I guess I know now what it means when they say SETTLE DOWN. I am not settled down yet, after almost 4 weeks here. Initially, it was exciting and adventurous, trying to blend in, doing the things they do, acting and even, speaking like them, to some extent.
Oh well, this is all part of an experience, isn't it? So in a way, I should be glad that I am experiencing something, even the sense of NOT belonging. lol... Ah ,well then!
Wednesday, May 4, 2011
I fell in love
I fell in love today. I thought I have always hated it. I guess I didn't understand it. I still don't but I can't bring myself to hate it anymore now that I have laid hands on it- warm and throbbing, smooth and slippery, fitting so snugly in my palm. I fell in love with the heart today.
I never expected to be able to scrub in on surgeries in Sydney. Dr Ross, a doctor that I will always remember from now on as the first doctor who introduced me to the feel of a heart, gave me the still-unthinkable opportunity to hold a contracting heart during a CABG. Yeah, it was not a top-notch, 1-in-a-100 type of surgery. In fact, it is a very common surgery. The thing is I don't recall ever feeling this way when I first touched a stomach, a thyroid, a baby, a lung or a femur. Maybe it is something new to me. Maybe I just like it because I am in a state-of-the-art hospital, being amongst impressive-looking doctors, nurses and staff. Maybe I don't really like it after all. Maybe I will fall out of love with it in 2 months' time.
Sigh...ah shit, I am in love with the heart. I am afraid to be. It is one of the most sought-after specialty and I will definitely be in for an arduous journey to get into the department or just to get a place in the masters programme, not to mention to study and learn it when I get the above-mentioned.Ah heck, nothing is easy right? There is one thing I learned from my brother today. JUST WHACK! Maybe I would do just that...Go heads on and put my heart into hearts.
I never expected to be able to scrub in on surgeries in Sydney. Dr Ross, a doctor that I will always remember from now on as the first doctor who introduced me to the feel of a heart, gave me the still-unthinkable opportunity to hold a contracting heart during a CABG. Yeah, it was not a top-notch, 1-in-a-100 type of surgery. In fact, it is a very common surgery. The thing is I don't recall ever feeling this way when I first touched a stomach, a thyroid, a baby, a lung or a femur. Maybe it is something new to me. Maybe I just like it because I am in a state-of-the-art hospital, being amongst impressive-looking doctors, nurses and staff. Maybe I don't really like it after all. Maybe I will fall out of love with it in 2 months' time.
Sigh...ah shit, I am in love with the heart. I am afraid to be. It is one of the most sought-after specialty and I will definitely be in for an arduous journey to get into the department or just to get a place in the masters programme, not to mention to study and learn it when I get the above-mentioned.Ah heck, nothing is easy right? There is one thing I learned from my brother today. JUST WHACK! Maybe I would do just that...Go heads on and put my heart into hearts.
Thursday, April 28, 2011
What If
I thought I have put it in the past. I thought I have gotten over it. I thought I would be fine in your presence. But I am wrong apparently. The potpourri of emotions resurfaced and threatened to overpower me. Fortunately, I have a strong fort. If nothing is going to change, I hope my fort will be strong enough to hold me back. Either that, or I hope I will be able to see you in a different light, I hope I will be at peace in your presence, eventually. It would take the most miraculous miracle of course, to hope for things to go my way. That would be too much to ask from God, too selfish, too vain that I am not sure I dare to even ask God for it.
The future, I am uncertain of. But one thing about the past, which I am certain of is not telling you then, for being too proud, too cautious, too doubtful, thinking I have all the time and all the opportunities in the world. Now I will always be left wondering What Ifs.
The future, I am uncertain of. But one thing about the past, which I am certain of is not telling you then, for being too proud, too cautious, too doubtful, thinking I have all the time and all the opportunities in the world. Now I will always be left wondering What Ifs.
"People of other religions amongst us"
An atheist friend once argued that it's contradicting for a person to respect another's religion because it means you are agreeing and acknowledging their religion and their God. For instance, if I, a Christian, does not convert a Buddhist and instead, respect him/her as a Buddhist, then it's as if I am saying "Yes, there are other gods besides Jesus Christ". And apparently(according to him),. that shouldn't be the case as I should be believing that there is only one God (which is my God, Jesus Christ). I wasn't able to counter back effectively at that time.
I found my answer few weeks ago on my church bulletin.
I found my answer few weeks ago on my church bulletin.
" PEOPLE OF OTHER RELIGIONS AMONG US"
by Deacon Sherman Kuek
One of the complications arising from living in Asia stems from the religious composition of the Asian population. The Asian continent is the very source of the world religions that thrive in the world today: Christianity, Islam, Hinduism, Buddhism, Taoism and a good many other religions.
Having to make sense of this plethora of religions together with their variety of truth claims must be disconcerting to the Asian man on the street. This is so even for those of us who follow Jesus Christ, who call ourselves Christians. Over the centuries, Asian Christians have come to make sense of these other religions among them in different ways.
The immediate question that confronts us Christians today is: do people of other religions need to hear about Jesus Christ? Is it necessary for us to share the good news with them? And if we do not do so, are they then all going to be damned to an eternity of torment and suffering?
The Catholic Church, especially since the Second Vatican Council, has come to assess other religions in rather positive light. Of course, as we shall see in a while, this positive assessment has to be understood in proper terms lest we entertain false perceptions about the status of our non-Christian neighbours in relation to the Church.
The Second Vatican Council teaches that God's salvation plan includes all peoples: even Jews, Muslims and peoples of other non-Christian religions. "Christ, the New Adam, through the mystery of His incarnation, death and resurrection, is at work in each human person to bring about interior renewal." (Dialogue and Proclamation, 1991, 15).
This holds true not for Christians only but also for all persons of good will in whose hearts grace is active invisibly. For since Christ died for all, and since all are in fact called to one and the same destiny, which is divine, we must hold that the Holy Spirit offers to all the possibility of being made partners, in a way known to God, in the Paschal mystery. (Gaudium et Spes, 1965, 22)
The Church further goes on to say that all these who have "not yet received the Gospel are related to the people of God in various ways" (Catechism of the Catholic Church, 839). In numbers 839- 842 of the Catechism (also in Lumen Gentium, 1964, 26), further explications is given on the unique nature of each of these relationships.
In a way, if not for that atheist friend, who used to constantly challenge me on my religion, I wouldn't have sought to understand more on my religion. I am a cradle Catholic, so being a Catholic is the most natural thing to me and it has never occurred to me to think from the perspective of people who are not. So it's actually a good thing that I am being challenged constantly by this friend. It broadens my mind and pushes me to seek the answers to the questions that I never thought existed about my religion.
Monday, April 11, 2011
Norwegian Wood
I never thought of it this way. I used to think, am still thinking actually, how nice if I could be those people who can excel at everything easily. Those people who only take half the time I need to study the same amount of things and remember them perfectly. The fast learners who can master something easily even though they start out later than the rest.
Until I came across this part in a book which explained that for these people, who have the talent to do things well without any effort, who have people telling them how great they are from an early age, who have never been hammered by a teacher, they lose out on this crucial element- Character building. A few people came to mind, yes those outstanding people whom I know and previously just thought as weird... I always think there's something off about these particular people. Okay, I may be sounding like a sour grape but seriously, they are. It's very difficult to pinpoint exactly but they are just different from the average you and me. Now I know why. But it probably has a multifactorial aetiology. And probably, they think I'm off too.
Anyway, I met up with my best guy friend 2 days ago. We happened to be reading the same book "Norwegian Wood". And that's why he's my best guy friend..haha...Nah, it's just a coincidence. He is going through the roughest patch of his life, with one bad thing after another. I hope this will be the roughest one and no more to come. He looks so beaten and weathered but it's obvious he's fighting his way through it. I'm so worried that he'll be sinking into depression. It's normal now, considering he's in a grieving process. Initially, I was excited that we were reading the same book and we talked about it. But then, I thought it's really a bad idea that he's reading that book as it's really a very depressing book with lots of suicides in it. Shit..I should discourage him from reading it further. It's time like this that I wish I have some superpower so that I can make things better for the people suffering around me. But all I can do is pray. Or maybe, that's all it takes, because I may not have superpower but God has.
I am not as enthusiastic to go for elective now. I just want to laze at home and spend time with my mum, although my mum will be coming along. But she'll only be coming for 2 weeks! How I regret listening to her and booking only 2 weeks for her. Should have booked one whole month for her! :(
Until I came across this part in a book which explained that for these people, who have the talent to do things well without any effort, who have people telling them how great they are from an early age, who have never been hammered by a teacher, they lose out on this crucial element- Character building. A few people came to mind, yes those outstanding people whom I know and previously just thought as weird... I always think there's something off about these particular people. Okay, I may be sounding like a sour grape but seriously, they are. It's very difficult to pinpoint exactly but they are just different from the average you and me. Now I know why. But it probably has a multifactorial aetiology. And probably, they think I'm off too.
Anyway, I met up with my best guy friend 2 days ago. We happened to be reading the same book "Norwegian Wood". And that's why he's my best guy friend..haha...Nah, it's just a coincidence. He is going through the roughest patch of his life, with one bad thing after another. I hope this will be the roughest one and no more to come. He looks so beaten and weathered but it's obvious he's fighting his way through it. I'm so worried that he'll be sinking into depression. It's normal now, considering he's in a grieving process. Initially, I was excited that we were reading the same book and we talked about it. But then, I thought it's really a bad idea that he's reading that book as it's really a very depressing book with lots of suicides in it. Shit..I should discourage him from reading it further. It's time like this that I wish I have some superpower so that I can make things better for the people suffering around me. But all I can do is pray. Or maybe, that's all it takes, because I may not have superpower but God has.
I am not as enthusiastic to go for elective now. I just want to laze at home and spend time with my mum, although my mum will be coming along. But she'll only be coming for 2 weeks! How I regret listening to her and booking only 2 weeks for her. Should have booked one whole month for her! :(
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)